...so... when I thought things couldn't get any worse... They do. Last Saturday I met the girl who took my breath away, she stole my heart and thensome. I'm finally over Emily... I can move on with my life... And what happens? I canceled to go to my nanas to hang with this girl... and I was supposed to go to my grandmothers today but I have a meeting tomorrow at work so I couldn't go... well when I called up yesterday to let my grandmother know she was crying... and she refused to tell me why... all she said was she had to go to the hospital...

I found out last night that my grandfather, the man who took me in as though he was my father, the only man who was ever there for me in my life... my godfather, my great grandfather, a greatfriend... fuck titles, he's just the best... And I found out a few moments ago that they won't discharge him from the Emergency Room. His arteries are clogged and they can't operate because of all his problems... along with this, if they don't operate... he might not make it... so here is the man that I kept telling that he has to stick around so he can see his great-great-grandkids... he has to stick around to see my kids when I have them... he has to stick around to help make jokes with me at my wedding... he has to be there... he has to... I can deal with having lost my uncle back in December, my friend Sam back in January, my house in february, various relatives moving away and going to jail... I can deal with having had my laptop smashed, phone broken, not being able to find a job, having my mother and I fight constantly, having my cat given away when going to see my papa back in March, but I can't take this... I couldn't take the loss of Emily as my girlfriend... that took a while... but... why the fuck do I have to trade in a single smile for a thousand moments of misery? If I stop smiling... can we make the pain go away?